


how long has it been?

by aurumsky (strasesky)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 97line squad, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, guess jaehyun's major, jaehyun loves to overwork himself, lots of Swearing because i swear a lot, sassy best friend sicheng, taeyong loves dance, will add characters as they appear!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-05 10:06:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14616057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strasesky/pseuds/aurumsky
Summary: jaehyun just wants to survive university. he doesn't have time for dance clubs (what's flexibility?? jaehyun doesn't know her), childhood crushes (on someone he's barely seen in ten years), annoying best friends (dong sicheng), or falling in love with a guy way out of his league (a guy who's always been out of his league). that's what he thought, at least.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> for the purposes of this fic + because i love all of nct, nct's younger characters have all been aged up by a couple of years - all of nct dream are in their first year of uni, at SNU. jaehyun and other 97 liners are in their second year, etc. mark and jaehyun are childhood friends but did NOT go to the same high school before SNU (although i previously said that they did). taeyong and donghyuck are half-siblings.  
> i've pretended that k-arts and snu are one uni with separate divisions/focuses, if that makes sense. also there are some discrepancies with jaehyun's time in america... he DID live in america but only for three years instead of four... i think... anyway if anything sounds weird about this part of jaehyun's past kindly ignore it lmao,,
> 
> there are a LOT of characters from different groups in this fic! some of them have relatively main roles such as the entire 97 line group chat (jeongguk, yugyeom, dokyeom, etc). if you're curious, i'll leave as list of them in the end notes section.
> 
> hope you enjoy! again, fair warning that i have NOT completed this fic and honestly am not 100% sure where i'm going with it. updates will probably be irregular, though i have written the next few chapters so far!

Sometimes, in his sleep, Jaehyun dreams of him.

He hates himself, when it happens. At the very least, it’s irritating, if not embarrassing, even if no one knows about the dreams except him. He hates that he still thinks about a boy he’s not been friends with for many, many years, a boy he barely even knows, who probably doesn’t even remember his name.

And yet, he dreams of him. Not that often, because although there’s clearly something wrong with his subconscious, he’s not stupid enough to keep clinging onto something that old. But sometimes the dreams come. Sometimes, he forgets nearly everything about them when he wakes up, and sometimes, he remembers everything, save for the occasional minor detail.

What he always remembers is that feeling in his chest, the aching want that always turns to deep, blossoming delight by the end of it. Jaehyun’s not stupid. It’ll never happen, not now, not ever. He knows that, but sometimes, when he wakes, when he’s weak, he lets himself imagine.

He’s not stupid. But he is very, very human.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Sicheng says, narrowing his eyes at Jaehyun who groans in response, shoving his hands in his pocket with an unconscious pout.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Jaehyun says. He’d had multiple dreams throughout the night, most of which he can’t remember anyway, but he keeps thinking about them.

“Were you up until three studying again?” Sicheng asks. They walk into the canteen area, the noise of hundreds of hungry university students so deafening that Jaehyun almost doesn’t hear him. “We’re less than a week into our first term.” His tone is disapproving.

“You know I don’t do that anymore,” Jaehyun grumbles but Sicheng still looks suspicious. He’s not about to tell Sicheng that he’d been having weird ass dreams about a guy Jaehyun had a crush on like, ten years ago. “Come on, lay off me, I know what I’m doing.”

More suspicious staring. Jaehyun makes a face right back, ladling his tray with food, and Sicheng sighs. “Can’t tell when you’re lying anyway,” he mumbles, before clapping his hands together and slinging an arm over Jaehyun’s shoulder, jostling Jaehyun’s tray. “I trust you!”

“Right.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, paying for the food as Sicheng follows shortly after.

“So are you gonna come to that dance club with me and Jeongguk? You said you’d think about it?” Sicheng says. They head towards their usual table, and Jaehyun spots Jeongguk waving at them, smiling big.

“You know I can’t dance-”

“Shut up, yes, you can, you have one of the most athletic bodies I’ve ever seen.”

“Just because I work out doesn’t mean I can dance!” Jaehyun sits next to Jeongguk, glaring at Sicheng who gives a sheepish grin as he sits across from them, next to Kun. On Jeongguk’s other side sits Yugyeom, who seems to be having a very intense debate with BamBam, Mingyu and Seungkwan.

“Are we talking about the dance club?” Jeongguk asks, perking up. He leans over and steals a chicken leg from Jaehyun, who lets him. “Sicheng, I’ve been trying to convince Jae to come since he was two-”

“You didn’t even know me when I was two-”

“But unfortunately he’s too chicken-ass to try something difficult.” Jeongguk grins at Jaehyun through his chicken leg. “Pun intended.”

“You little shit-”

“Plus you used to study until four am and didn’t really have time for anything else.” Jeongguk finishes off his food as the mood tenses, looking Jaehyun straight in the eye. Jaehyun scowls, choosing to stare down at his food instead.

“If this is your way of worrying about me, you’re doing a shit job,” he says, poking at his rice with his chopsticks. “Like I said, I don’t do that anymore.”

Sicheng reaches over the table and claps Jaehyun on the back. “Exactly, so you have time to come to dance club now!”

“Wait-”

Even Kun snickers at Jaehyun’s expression. “They got you there, Jaehyun,” Kun says, smirking behind his can of Coke. Jaehyun stares at his friends around him.

“Snakes. The lot of you. All snakes.”

“You know you love us,” Sicheng says, beaming.

“Well, at least I’ll finally get to meet the elusive Park Jimin for myself,” Jaehyun says, and beside him, Jeongguk chokes. Jaehyun smirks at him, leaning his cheek on his palm. “He’s certainly very good looking from far away, with his, uh, red hair?”

“It’s pink,” Jeongguk says immediately, and then flushes up to his hairline as Sicheng cackles.

“Whipped,” Sicheng coughs.

“Fuck off,” Jeongguk grumbles, his face still a bright pink. Almost the same colour as Jimin’s hair, Jaehyun thinks, stifling a laugh. “Whatever. You better fucking come to dance now, Jaehyunnie, or I’m gonna end your ass. This afternoon, four o’clock.”

“Getting cocky now that you can do three pull-ups instead of two?”

“Still two more than your measly one.”

“None of you can beat my whole six pull-ups,” says Lucas, suddenly appearing next to them. He slots into the seat next to Jaehyun, grinning the whole while.

“I don’t think you did any last time we were at the gym?” Jeongguk says, pretending to look thoughtful. “Maybe like, a whole half.”

“Why is there so much posturing in this friend group,” Sicheng wonders aloud, shoving rice in his mouth.

“They’re all jocks,” Kun says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Every single one of them.” They glance down the table, where Hansol has joined Seungkwan, Mingyu, Yugyeom, and BamBam. “Except Seungkwan.”

“Except Seungkwan,” Sicheng laughs.

“Arguably he’s a cheerleader though,” Jaehyun says, and they startle, clearly surprised that Jaehyun had been listening.

“Still not a jock,” Lucas points out, who clearly had also been listening. “I wish I was as flexible as a cheerleader. Sicheng is flexible.”

“Jimin’s flexible,” Jaehyun says, just to see Jeongguk’s reaction. He’s not disappointed because Jeongguk shifts in his seat to face Jaehyun fully, spluttering all the while.

“What the fuck? Why do you know that?”

Jaehyun just laughs. Jeongguk grabs his shirt and pretends to shake him. “Maybe you shouldn’t come to dance after all-”

“Jeongguk,” Sicheng hisses.

“Okay, maybe straight after dance you should come to the gym and watch me beat your ass.”

“I’m so proud of you, Jeongguk,” Jaehyun says, patting his friend’s hand. “Defending your crush’s honour like that, how terribly chivalrous.”

Lucas cackles, slinging an arm around Jaehyun’s shoulder. “You’re such an angry knight, Jeongguk, I hope you’re not like this around Jimin.”

On Jeongguk’s other side, Yugyeom looks at them and laughs an ugly, delighted thing. Jeongguk turns to him in alarm. “Don’t you fucking say it-”

“He’s not like that at all,” Yugyeom says, still guffawing. “Guess you’ll find out this afternoon, Jae, so I won’t spoil it. Trust me, it’s absolutely hilarious.”

Jeongguk puts his head in his hands. Kun reaches over and pats his shoulder lightly, but everyone else just laughs and laughs. Truth is, Jaehyun does like dancing, even if he’s nowhere near as flexible as a cheerleader or Sicheng, for that matter. And if it means he can make fun of Jeongguk, well, he’s definitely willing to go.

He probably should have realised, given his dream the previous night, that the world was about to fuck him over.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to this side of the campus,” Jaehyun says, pushing open the door to the Arts building. There are students everywhere, some of them carrying huge art portfolios that are bigger than themselves.

Sicheng coughs. “Jock.”

“Really I’m kind of the opposite of a jock, major-wise,” Jaehyun says, punching him lightly. Sicheng shrugs, climbing the stairs two at a time. “I don’t know why he’s in such a rush, it's not like he has some big ass crush on  a hyung there.” Jeongguk glares at him.

“Yes, but some people actually get excited for things, Jaehyunnie,” Yugyeom says with a grin. “You should try it sometime.”

It’s lighthearted and not meant to be offensive at all, but when Yugyeom says it Jaehyun feels it like a blow to the sternum. Yugyeom’s not wrong, Jaehyun thinks. He can’t remember the last time he was excited, really excited. Highschool, maybe, when he first started getting excited about university, about fulfilling his dream. Studying for the CSAT killed that a little, though. When he got his acceptance he was definitely excited, he remembers. Excited and delighted, but it wasn’t... new. He’d been working towards it but it hadn’t been new. And the whole of his first year of uni had been a little...

Terrible.

They finally reach the dance department, pushing open the glass doors and walking through long hallways to reach the right dance studio. Jaehyun peeks through the little windows on the door; inside, two boys are dancing in front of a mirror, their movements slow and sensual. They both have brightly dyed hair, one pink, one violet-white.

“Is that Jimin?” Jaehyun teases, but Jeongguk either doesn’t hear him or pretends not to, opening the door widely. Jaehyun is hit with a blast of cool air – the air conditioning, turned on high. They’re gonna catch a cold if it’s that high, he thinks, even if they’re dancing – _because_ they’re dancing, even, since their sweat-

He shakes himself a little. He’s here for something new, not something he already does on a daily basis.

“I love this song,” Yugyeom says, stepping in after Jeongguk.  But none of them join in the two boys, they just watch. Jaehyun hesitates just a moment before following them.

 He knows this song, Jaehyun realises with a start. Lee Taemin, despite being a rising star in the dance industry, released this song, beginning his music career. The dance matches the music perfectly – intense, sensual, powerful.

Jaehyun follows the lines of the dancers’ backs with his gaze. One is definitely Park Jimin, he can tell even without looking in the mirror to see the boy’s face. And the other one, with the violet-white hair, is-

The breath is knocked from his lungs. _Fucking hell_ , he thinks dimly, through the buzzing in his ears. _After all these years?_

Maybe his dreams really had been trying to tell him something last night.

“Is that, um,” he hears himself say, “Lee Taeyong?”

Yugyeom startles, turning to look at Jaehyun in surprise. “You know him?” he asks, and before Jaehyun can answer Yugyeom laughs and adds, “Well, I’m not surprised. Possibly the hottest dude on campus, amazing dance and music skills... It’s hard to not know him.”

“I didn’t know he went to our university.” Fuck, Jaehyun didn’t mean to say that. He didn’t mean to act like he had some connection with Taeyong, like they were ever anything more than, well... nothing at all, to be honest.

“I mean, technically he’s in K-ARTS. How do you know him?” Yugyeom asks. He’s looking straight at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun can tell how curious he is, it’s obvious, but he’s saved from answering as the song ends and the people around the room start clapping. Jeongguk claps the loudest beside them, a huge grin overtaking his face. If Jaehyun didn’t know Jeongguk better, he’d call it a shy grin.

“Jeonggukkie!” Jimin says, locking eyes with Jeongguk in the mirror through his pink fringe. He waves, his chest heaving from exertion. “I didn’t see you come in.”

“Hi, hyung,” Jeongguk says, and Jaehyun’s jaw fucking drops, because is Jeongguk actually being _shy_ right now?

“Is he-?” Jaehyun starts.

“Yep,” Yugyeom snickers. Jeongguk tosses a glare at them over his shoulder but immediately straightens up as Jimin heads towards him. Jaehyun tries desperately not to stare at Taeyong, instead focusing on Jimin’s sweat-darkened hair. Jeongguk notices it too, frowning a little.

“How long have you been here for, hyung?” Jeongguk folds his arms. “Didn’t I tell you to stop overworking yourself?”

At that, Jaehyun looks away, his chest tight. He misses Jimin’s response, though, when he accidentally makes eye contact with Taeyong. For a second, his heart stops, a waterfall cascading in his ears.

Taeyong smiles at him, running a hand through his hair. _He’s so fucking gorgeous_ , Jaehyun thinks, smiling back weakly. He promptly regrets the thought, feeling his ears turn red. _What the fuck is wrong with me, I haven’t seen him in five fucking years and I’m still- holy shit, what is wrong with me._ Oh, fuck, now Taeyong is walking towards them. _Please don’t talk to me_ -

“Hi,” Taeyong says. _Oh fuck, he’s talking to me._ Up close, Jaehyun can only helplessly take in all of Taeyong at once: the hard, chiselled line of Taeyong’s jaw; the slope of his perfect nose; the darkness of his eyes, round and luminous. The sweat, running down his temple, darkening his hair. His soft, pink lips.

I’m going to die, Jaehyun thinks.

“You’re... Jaehyun, right? I’m not mixing you up with the wrong person, am I?” Taeyong laughs _._ “Please tell me you remember me, or this could be really awkward.”

“Uh, no, I, uh, I do remember you.” Jaehyun shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, smiling sheepishly. “From middle school. Lee Taeyong.”

“That’s me,” Taeyong says. Jaehyun’s ears are really red now, he can feel them burning over the rush in his ears. “Nice to see you again, Jaehyun. How are you?”

“Good, uh, mostly, thanks.” Jaehyun grins, and Taeyong smiles right back. “Your dancing was really great.”

“Thank you,” Taeyong says, smiling a little bigger now. “Jimin and I practiced that one for a while. Nice to know it’s paying off.”

“Yeah, it’s really good. You should be proud of yourself, uh, hyung.” Fuck, is it weird to call a guy he barely knows ‘hyung’? He remembers calling Taeyong hyung in middle school, but that was when they actually knew each other and didn’t have to ask each other if they still remembered who the other was.

Before Taeyong can respond, a voice calls out over them. “If everyone could sit down, please!” At that, Taeyong flashes Jaehyun a smile, murmuring something, some good-bye, before he heads over towards the mirror, where Jimin and the source of the voice stand. Jaehyun sits dimly down beside his friends, watching Taeyong until it’s way too fucking creepy to keep looking.

When he turns to look at his friends, Sicheng is gaping at him. “What the fuck was that,” he hisses. “Your ears are so fucking red. Are you-? Holy shit, are you pulling a Jeongguk?”

“Please shut up,” Jaehyun says, passing a hand over his face shakily. His heart is fucking racing, his mind buzzing. Did that really just happen?

“Oh, my god,” Sicheng says. “You like him. That Lee Taeyong guy. You- Do you even _know_ him?”

“Sicheng, shut _up._ ” He looks up at the man speaking, resolutely not looking at Sicheng, who throws up his hands but mercifully shuts up.

“-so, we’re going to be your main guides and instructors for this club,” the man says. Jaehyun thinks he missed his introduction, but vaguely remembers something about... hope? Which doesn’t really seem right, but. “So that’s me, Jung Hoseok. Beside me with the fluffy pink hair is Park Jimin, whom most of you probably know already. And beside him, looking like a grandpa with white hair is Lee Taeyong, who’s a new introduction to our instructor team but you’ve probably seen him in the club for a while. Chungha and Momo should be here too, you definitely can’t miss them! We’ve also normally got Ten, who’s busy this afternoon, but you’ll definitely see him around since he’s a whole five foot seven of attitude.”

Some of the people in the room laugh, clearly familiar with both Ten and Jung Hoseok. For a moment, Jaehyun feels like an outsider, nerves fluttering in the tips of his fingers.

Jimin steps forward. He really is very good looking, Jaehyun observes, glancing at Jeongguk with a poorly disguised smirk. “We’ll start with basic stretches, which we always do every week. It might sound really boring but it’s actually really important. After that, if you’ve not broken any bones just yet, we’ll start with basic routines if you’re new. If you’re not, well, you know the drill anyway.” Jimin smiles. “Please sort yourself into rows! Give yourselves plenty of space, too, we don’t want anyone to get kicked in the face.”

“Has that happened before?” someone near the front asks, clearly joking, but Jimin giggles, looking straight at Jeongguk.

“It was a very unfortunate incident,” he says. Jeongguk’s face is red again.

“It was me,” Yugyeom says, as they move into lines. “Who got kicked in the face, I mean. By Jeongguk. Because he was too busy staring at Park Jimin’s ass to have spatial awareness.”

“Can you say that any louder?” Jeongguk hisses, blushing red up to his hairline.

“Please don’t kick me in the face because you’re busy staring at Lee Taeyong’s ass,” Sicheng whispers, and Jaehyun is tempted to kick him in the face right then and there, just on principle.

Jaehyun does have a bit of a hard time concentrating. Not because of Taeyong’s ass (fuck you, Sicheng) but because he is not very flexible at all. Athletic he may be, but not flexible, and has a depressingly difficult time with the stretches.

“You’re such an old man,” Sicheng says at the end. Sicheng, who majors in Chinese traditional dance and pulled every single one off perfectly, the smug asshole.

“Please don’t talk to me,” Jaehyun says in response. Sicheng kicks him hard in the thigh in response. “Ow!”

The rest of the time goes by fairly quickly. Jaehyun fucks up a couple of times, unable to pull off more complex movements in the routines they’re shown, but overall it goes pretty well, he thinks. And, honestly, he’s enjoyed himself – when he wasn’t trying hard to not stare at Taeyong, that is.

“Didn’t I tell you you could dance?” Sicheng says, and once again Jaehyun really wants to kick him in the face. He’s not sure he has any energy left to do so, though, so he settles for glaring and slapping Sicheng’s shoulder when he’s not looking anymore.

“By the way, if you guys wanna leave first, you can.” Yugyeom glances towards Jeongguk. “Normally he’s here awhile, trying to get his head out of his shy ass to talk to Jimin for longer than three minutes.”

“Gay,” Sicheng says, grinning. But to their surprise, Jeongguk heads towards them, looking sullen.

“What, no sucking up to Jimin-hyung today?” Yugyeom teases.

“Jimin’s busy,” Jeongguk just says, the corners of his lips turned down. When Jaehyun turns to look, he sees Jimin sitting by the mirror, giggling with a handsome, taller man who has his legs intertwined with Jimin’s on the floor.

“Oh,” Yugyeom says, with a cough. “Who’s that?”

Jeongguk groans. “I don’t know. He wasn’t in the club last year but he was here all of today and they seem really close.”

“Close friend?” Jaehyun suggests. No need to assume they’re dating if all they’re doing is chatting-

The man leans forward, putting his mouth next to Jimin’s ear, and Jimin laughs harder, hands flying to the man’s neck. It looks like he’s kissing Jimin, but it’s hard to tell.

Jeongguk makes a pained noise, looking away. “Why am I such a pathetic bitch,” he says, and leaves the practice room quickly, without looking back.

“They could still just be friends,” Jaehyun says, not entirely convinced. He’s seen the way Hansol and Seungkwan act together. They’re definitely not dating, since Hansol’s in love with someone else entirely.

“I know that, but you know how Jeongguk gets.” Yugyeom sighs. “I’m just gonna go after him. See you guys later!”

He rushes off through the swinging doors, calling Jeongguk’s name.

“Should we go too?” Sicheng says. They’re not the only ones in the practice room still, quite a few other members seem to be staying behind to practice or to just talk. Jaehyun looks to Jimin again. They’re holding hands, now, but Jung Hoseok is also standing by them, kicking the mystery man’s leg with a laugh.

In the corner of his eye, Jaehyun can see Taeyong’s bright hair, practicing with someone else on the other side of the room.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Jaehyun says. As he turns away, Taeyong’s eyes meet his in the mirror, and Taeyong lifts his hand in a half-wave. Before Jaehyun can respond, they’ve walked out the doors. Taeyong’s face lingers in Jaehyun’s mind and suddenly Jaehyun remembers a lifetime ago, before America, when Taeyong had just been a hyung and Jaehyun just a dongsaeng, when Jaehyun didn’t have stupid, lingering feelings for someone who barely knew him.

Fuck, that’s a lie anyway. Taeyong has never been just a hyung. Even before they became (sort of) friends, Taeyong had been still this gorgeous, talented boy from the grade two years above. God, Jaehyun needs to get a grip. It’s ridiculous to still be infatuated, he knows that.

And yet, he can’t help but dream of him anyway.


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark, football, Good Hyung™ doyoung, and winwin's turn to cook (except jaehyun ends up doing it).

It’s silent for a bit as they walk out of the building, footsteps echoing on the concrete stairs. There are less students about now, most of them probably gone home or back to their dorms. This time last year, Jaehyun remembers, he probably would have been in the library, studying. Highlighting. Reading.

“So, did you enjoy yourself?” Sicheng asks finally. “It wasn’t a waste of your time, was it?”

“No, yeah, it was really good,” Jaehyun says. He clutches his water bottle in his hand, crinkling the plastic. “I mean, I probably embarrassed the fuck out of myself, but whatever.”

“Yeah, you probably did,” Sicheng says, and laughs when Jaehyun punches him. “No, for real, you were pretty good! I knew you could dance. With a couple more weeks I think you’d be really good.”

“If I go back,” Jaehyun doesn’t mean to say, but does. Sicheng stops in the middle of the path, glaring at Jaehyun.

“If you don’t come back, I’ll castrate you,” Sicheng threatens.

“Isn’t that a bit much?”

“No.” Sicheng starts walking again, elbowing Jaehyun in the side. “And anyway, let’s be honest, there’s no way you’re not coming back. You couldn’t keep your eyes off Lee Taeyong all practice.”

Jaehyun splutters,feeling his ears turn hot again. “Fuck off, I did not look at him at all!”

“Exactly. You were trying so hard not to look at him that it was embarrassing. I have to say, though, you didn’t stare at his ass once throughout the whole practice, very impressive.”

“That argument literally makes no sense. Why the fuck were you watching me so closely anyway?” Jaehyun groans, walking a little faster. “I really don’t like you.”

“That guy is insanely good looking,” Sicheng says, ignoring Jaehyun. “Proof of a higher being, to be honest, or maybe just Mother Nature showing favouritism. Ah, seriously, what a perfect face. I wonder if he was always that good looking, or if puberty just shone down upon him like a gift from heaven.”

“He was always like that.” It’s out of his mouth before he can stop himself, and as Sicheng swings an incredulous gaze round to Jaehyun he’s already cursing himself.

“Oh, my God, you really know him.”

“ _Knew_ him, past tense, it was like ten years ago, okay?”

“So you’re telling me you’ve had a crush on this dude for ten years?”

“No!” They’re back in the student residences now. Jaehyun can see Mark at the end of the corridor and begins to speed up even more, hoping Mark will fucking save him. “Since when were you so nosy?”

“Since always, because I’m a cool person who cares about their friend’s personal life.”

Jaehyun sighs. “I knew him in middle school. We became sort of friends, but when I moved to America we lost touch, and when I came back we never really spoke at all and that was fine, obviously, because no, I did not still have a crush on him. And I still don’t!”

Sicheng hums thoughtfully. “But you _did_ have a crush on him at one point?”

Jaehyun slows his walk, biting his lip. “When I first met him in middle school, yeah.”

“So clearly this is fate-”

“Holy shit, _shut up_.” Jaehyun groans.

“What’s wrong?” says Mark, blinking his big brown eyes. “Are you guys bickering again?”

Jaehyun shoots Sicheng a glare. He seems to get the message, and only says, “Jaehyun’s in a bad mood.”

“Aw, hyung, come play soccer with me and Yuta and everyone, you’ll feel better.” Mark slaps him on the arm, grinning.

“Why do you look so eager? You’re kinda shit,” Jaehyun jokes, slapping Mark’s arm right back.

Mark just takes the teasing in stride. “Not as shit as Taeil-hyung.” He grins.

Jaehyun laughs. “I’m still shocked he didn’t twist his ankle last time. He should know better than to try and play soccer on wet grass.”

“How many times did he fall again?” Sicheng adds. “Three? Ten? Twenty?”

“Anything more than zero is too many,” Mark says, chuckling.

“Anyway, I don’t think I can come, Mark, I need to-,” Jaehyun falters. “Uh.”

Mark blinks at him, confused, but Sicheng glares at him. “Say it,” Sicheng threatens.

“Study?” It’s more of a question than a statement at this point.

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” Jaehyun agrees. He sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. “It was kind of an automatic response.”

Mark looks increasingly confused. Sicheng folds his arms. “I don’t know if that’s better or worse than it being your choice,” Sicheng says.

“So... Are you studying then, or?” Mark asks.

“No,” Jaehyun and Sicheng say at the same time. Jaehyun says it slowly, like he’s unsure – because he is, really. A part of him is telling him to go back to his dorm, to sit the fuck down at his desk and work for his degree. “No,” Jaehyun says again, just so that that part of him will shut up.

“You’ll play, then?” Mark perks up. He still looks a little perplexed but seems to forget it. Mark wasn’t at their university last year. Jaehyun would have been more surprised if Mark hadn’t been confused.

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Jaehyun glances at Sicheng, sticking his hands in his pockets. “What about you?”

Sicheng snorts. “I’ve done enough exercise for one day,” he says. “I’m not a jock like you guys, I’m a cheerleader.”

“You are?” Mark looks even more bewildered now, but Jaehyun, remembering their conversation from the canteen earlier today, just laughs and grabs Mark’s arm.

“Forget it, Mark, Sicheng’s just an idiot.” They walk back the way Jaehyun came as Sicheng sticks his tongue out at them. “So how’s uni life treating you so far, my favourite dongsaeng?”

Mark hums. Jaehyun’s maybe imagining it, but there seems to be a bit of a flush to Mark’s cheeks. “It’s good. It’s only been a week so we haven’t had any insane work yet but I can feel my professors threatening to already.” He laughs.

“What about your friends?”

“Umm... Yeah, they’re fine.” Mark’s definitely blushing.

“Holy shit, you’re blushing. Mark Lee, your face is fucking red.”

Mark groans, pressing his hands to his face. “Okay, hyung, so there’s this guy-”

“Go on,” Jaehyun teases. Mark glares at him lightly.

“He’s in Lit with me. Um... I kind of pissed him off on our first meeting when I was asking dumb questions – you know how I am, hyung – and he ended up ranting at me and I thought, wow this guy is a stick in the mud. But he’s friends with Jeno – remember that guy I told you about yesterday – so we ended up sitting together at lunch, and he’s actually... really cool. Um. Yeah.”

“So basically you’re really gay.” Jaehyun laughs, slinging an arm around Mark’s shoulders. The field where Yuta said he was waiting comes into view, and in the distance Jaehyun thinks he can just about make him out.

“Yeah. Glad I figured that out before university.”

“Your gay awakening was tragic but amusing.”

“Please don’t bring that up,” Mark groans. “It was an embarrassing time for us all.”

“Just for you.”

“But it was _you_ and that guy I walked in on that, uh, triggered it.”

“Still just embarrassing for you.” Jaehyun waves at Yuta, who doesn’t seem to notice them. “So, your mystery boy, what’s his name?”

“You’ll go stalk him on Facebook, won’t you?”

“Come on, Mark, I’m just doing what a good hyung should.”

Mark sighs dramatically. “His name’s Lee Donghyuck,” he mumbles. “He’s, uh...” Then, Mark stops, eyes going wide. “He’s right over there, actually.”

Jaehyun blinks, and turns. His breath catches. Standing beside the boy who’s probably Donghyuck is Taeyong. He thinks Mark is still talking, but Jaehyun’s staring at Taeyong, whose pale hair is mussed by the wind, his nose a little red. He’s still wearing the same dance gear from the club, all long legs accentuated by tight leggings. He looks stunning.

“Jaehyun! Mark!” Yuta’s voice knocks off Jaehyun’s train of thought, especially when Yuta slaps him on the back. “Nice to see you made it. Wasn’t sure if you’d come, Jaehyunnie.”

Jaehyun turns to Yuta, forcing a smile, his heartbeat erratic. “I almost didn’t,” he says, and Yuta grimaces.

“Not me who put you off, I hope,” he jokes. They both know full well the real reason. Uncomfortable, Jaehyun glances at Mark, who keeps looking back at Donghyuck.

“Do you know who that is? That really handsome dude?” Mark asks, brow furrowed. Jaehyun almost chokes – surely Mark isn’t jealous?

“Over there?” Yuta says, peering around them. “Oh, it’s Taeyong! And his brother, Donghyuck. I can’t tell if Taeyong is telling Donghyuck off or not, it’s hard to tell with those two. Does he look stern to you guys? Wait, do you even know him?”

Jaehyun chooses not to answer that, looking back at the two. Taeyong does look a little scolding, but it’s hard to tell from this distance. Donghyuck, on the other hand, has a very expressive face, his pout clearly exaggerated. He sticks a hand on his hip.

“Oh, my god,” Jaehyun says, it just clicking in his mind, “You said _that’s_ Donghyuck?”

“Yeah, I just said that-” Yuta begins.

“He’s so cute.” Jaehyun watches as Taeyong reaches out and ruffles Donghyuck’s hair, laughing as Donghyuck whines. “You have good taste!”

“What-” splutters Yuta.

“I am so embarrassed right now,” Mark says, and Yuta makes an ‘ohh’ing noise.

“So our baby Mark has a crush?” he teases. Mark’s entire face turns red again.

“Like I said, so. Embarrassed. Right now.”

And then, to both Mark _and_ Jaehyun’s horror, Yuta shouts: “Taeyong! Hey, Taeyong!” and runs over to them. Taeyong fucking turns and smiles. Jaehyun thinks his heart maybe stops.

“What is he doing,” Mark whispers, horrified. Jaehyun is equally terrified.

Yuta tosses them a wink over his shoulder before he turns back to Taeyong, saying something to the pair with expressive arm gestures. Jaehyun watches Donghyuck’s gaze slide over to them, and fix on Mark, before he shrugs. Taeyong, too, glances over, his eyes meeting Jaehyun’s. Even from several metres away, Jaehyun feels as though he’s looking into Taeyong’s big, beautiful dark eyes.

“Kill me,” he mumbles as the three men move towards them. Mark shoots him a strange look. Jaehyun can feel his heart thumping in his chest, his stomach clenching as Taeyong gets closer. Twice in one fucking day after years of not seeing him. Unreal.

“I invited them to play soccer with us,” Yuta says cheerfully, clearly oblivious to Jaehyun’s struggle. Jaehyun can’t decide whether to stare at Taeyong or try _not_ to stare at him.

“Seagull,” Donghyuck says stiffly, nodding to Mark, and Jaehyun chokes, having to turn away to conceal his laughter as coughing, his turmoil forgotten.

“’ _Seagull_ ’,” he wheezes, just loud enough for Mark to hear. “Guess it’s not just us who noticed.”

“I hate you so much right now,” Mark grits out, under his breath. Then, louder, “Um, hey, Donghyuck. I didn’t know you liked soccer.”

“We literally just met today, Mark Lee, I don’t know why you would.” Donghyuck sniffs and when Jaehyun catches Yuta’s eye they’re both trying to hold their laughter in. Jaehyun thinks he’s maybe got tears in his eyes from laughing so hard, his stomach aching. He almost doesn’t notice Taeyong watching him, confused but clearly amused.

“Hey, Nakamoto! When are we starting?” someone calls. “C’mon, get your ass over here!”

Yuta flips a middle finger up at the speaker, still choking down his laugh. “Okay, okay, let’s go,” he says.

“Your face is red,” Jaehyun says to Mark as they jog over to the others. Mark kicks him in the calf but Jaehyun’s too busy laughing to curse at him.

“I thought we were Foreign Swagger bros,” Mark hisses. “But now you’re stabbing me in the back.” Mark shoots him a glare as they slow down and Yuta starts telling people to get into teams. “Hey, your ears are red...”

Jaehyun’s hands fly up to his ears. They’re warm and definitely red. “It’s cold,” he says, even though they’re still technically in summer.

“Mm-hmm.” Mark looks at him suspiciously. “So do you know that Taeyong guy?”

“Um, he’s in that dance club thing Sicheng made me go to.”

Mark squints at Jaehyun, still looking suspicious. But before he can quiz Jaehyun anymore, Yuta comes over and pushes them into separate teams, looking cheerful.

Fate isn’t nice enough (or cruel enough) to put him in the same team as Taeyong, but he _is_ here with his brother, Donghyuck, who looks at him with slightly narrowed eyes for a solid five seconds before he says, “Are you friends with Mark Lee? If I _accidentally_ kick him in the balls instead of kicking _the_ ball how mad would you be? Out of ten?”

Jaehyun just about chokes again, covering his hand with his mouth. “I’ll only be mad, ten out of ten, if you kick him in the balls before I can film it.”

Donghyuck seems to consider this. “Add me on snapchat, film it and send it to me, and I’ll wait ‘till you’re ready before I kick him in the balls.”

“Done.” They shake hands, Donghyuck looking incredibly solemn as they pull their phones out their pockets. “But, um, for the record, Mark’s actually a really cool guy. I’ve known him for a long time, I promise he genuinely is really great. So don’t kick him too hard?”

Donghyuck hums in response, looking away from Jaehyun towards the other team. “I’ll think about it,” he says, but even he is smiling a little.

The game is good, and goes by in a blur of laughter and yelling. Donghyuck is in fact pretty good at football, and Jaehyun pretends he doesn’t notice Mark watching him appreciatively from time to time. Jaehyun also pretends that he doesn’t notice Taeyong looking incredibly elegant, even if he misses the ball a few times.

At the end, Jaehyun joins Mark sprawled out on the grass, chests heavy and foreheads sticky. “You cheated,” Mark grumbles, pouting at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun laughs. “We had Yuta,” he says.

“Exactly! That’s cheating, you know it is.”

“Maybe you were just distracted by your pretty boy,” Jaehyun teases, and Mark, whose face had already been tinted red from exertion, blushes even further.

“Fuck you. Oh, my god, I am never gonna live this down.”

Jaehyun just laughs again, staring up at the sky. There’s an orange hue cast over the sky, the sun just beginning to set, and the gorgeous colours stun Jaehyun for a moment. He gazes up at the clouds, unmoving, not thinking, just for a moment.

“Are you dead?” comes Donghyuck’s voice. Jaehyun turns to see him kick Mark lightly in the thigh. He never did kick Mark in the balls in the end, Jaehyun muses. “You look like an idiot.”

“Um... Thanks?” Mark tries, raising himself onto his elbows. “Hey, um, you play really well.”

Donghyuck folds his arms. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” he says, sounding a bit grumpy, but when Jaehyun looks closely there’s a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. Jaehyun grins and stands, planning on leaving them to it. When he turns, however, he comes nose to nose with Taeyong, and almost trips into him in his shock.

“Sorry,” he almost stutters. He can feel his ears reddening again as Taeyong honest to god _giggles_.

“No worries, I probably shouldn’t have come so close anyway,” Taeyong says, smiling. “Congrats on the win! You were really good.”

Before Jaehyun can formulate a response that doesn’t involve blushing and stuttering (god, he can’t remember the last time he had this much trouble talking), Taeyong turns to Donghyuck, a stern expression on his face again. “Remember what I said to you earlier, Hyuckie,” he says.

“I told you not to call me that,” Donghyuck mumbles.

“You might be in university now, but you’re still my baby brother! Anyway, I’m going now. See you guys later!” Taeyong gives them a short wave and jogs away, catching up to a group of other boys and girls, slinging an arm around the closest one. For a moment, Jaehyun’s chest aches.

“I’m gonna go too,” he hears himself say, glancing back at Mark and Donghyuck. They say goodbye, but otherwise pay little attention to him as Donghyuck whips out his phone to show Mark something. Jaehyun smiles.

He sticks his hands in his pockets, heading back to the student dorms. Unbidden, Taeyong comes to his mind again, his giggle and smile replaying in Jaehyun’s mind. Jaehyun grimaces at himself. Fuck his brain. He’s not in the mood to bring back some decade old crush. Yes, he had a big fat crush on Taeyong in middle school – he doesn’t quite dare to call it love – but he forgot it when he moved to America. Taeyong had been a typical older crush for Jaehyun, someone unattainable but not completely untouchable – they’d been friends, after all. Kind of, at least.

Jaehyun bites his lip, his stomach flipping. Fuck, he doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to admit how in America he would still think about Taeyong sometimes. Yeah, he had crushes on other people there, but sometimes, in a random moment where he found himself thinking of home, his mind would flash to Taeyong. And when he had returned to Korea and seen Taeyong, who was in his final year of highschool, again his chest had constricted tightly, as if he’d never even left.

Fuck, this is stupid. Jaehyun knows it is. He knows he should be over Taeyong, that they weren’t even that close in middle school, that they’ve practically not interacted since America, that Taeyong probably just remembers him as another dongsaeng. He doesn’t know why he can’t seem to forget Taeyong, why the feelings just _won’t go away_.

“Jaehyunnie!” The call startles him out of his thoughts. He glances up to see Doyoung waving at him from one of the sofas in the dorm lobby (when had Jaehyun reached it?), gummy smile in place, and Jaehyun pushes Taeyong out of his mind. “Oh, man, your lip is bleeding.”

Surprised, Jaehyun licks his lip, and sure enough the taste of metal hits his mouth. He grimaces. He must have accidentally torn the skin while he’d been biting his lip earlier. “I didn’t even notice,” he admits, laughing a little as Doyoung beckons for him to sit down.

“How are you doing, Jaehyun?” Doyoung says. Something in Jaehyun tenses. Doyoung had only said a general, friendly statement, but Jaehyun knows exactly what he’s really asking.

“Fine,” Jaehyun says shortly, before he sighs, relaxing a little. “Sorry. I hate it when people ask me that. I’ve never known you to sugarcoat it though, hyung.”

Doyoung also sighs, mouth quirking up into a smile. “I was told recently that I’m too forward and that I should try a gentler approach,” he says. “If you ask me, everyone should just be upfront.”

“You look like you haven’t showered in a week,” Jaehyun says immediately and gets punched hard for his effort. “I’m joking! Mostly.”

Doyoung narrows his eyes at him, raising his fist, so Jaehyun hurries on. “Just ask what you really wanted to ask, hyung, I don’t mind. When it’s you.”

Doyoung puts his hand down, his gaze taking on a more serious quality. “I did mean it, though,” he says. “Asking how you were, I mean. You’re actually eating, right? You’ve not confined yourself to your room yet?”

“You literally just saw me walk in here. From the outside.”

“Well, I wasn’t sure if I had imagined it!” Doyoung grins at him and Jaehyun can’t help but grin back. “Jaehyunnie, you know you can come to me for literally anything. Seriously.”

Jaehyun bites his lip again, wincing when his teeth catch on the wound. “I know, hyung,” he says, more quietly this time. “You always tell me.” It was true. Jaehyun knew he could rely on Doyoung, one of the only people who actually understood what he’d gone through, and why he’d gone through it. Jaehyun had known that last year, too, that Doyoung, the hyung he’d only met that year, was reliable and trustworthy. The problem hadn’t been Doyoung. It had been that Jaehyun didn’t realise he needed to go to anyone. That he didn’t realise there was something wrong.

 In hindsight, it’s pretty fucking obvious, and he hates himself for it.

Doyoung’s just watching him, so Jaehyun forces a smile on his face and pushes Doyoung’s face away. “I’m _fine_ , hyung, I mean it. I’m doing fine. Sicheng and Jeongguk forced me to join their dance club.”

Doyoung allows the change of topic, slapping Jaehyun’s hand. “I am shocked you agreed to go, to be honest, considering how much of a jock you are.”

“You can’t stereotype me like that, asshole!” Jaehyun laughs, shoving Doyoung lightly, who glares at him jokingly in response. They bicker for a few more minutes. Jaehyun learns that Doyoung has entered a singing competition with Taeil, who’s left university but seems to come back strangely often.

“It’s for Johnny,” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun almost cackles.

When it turns dark outside Doyoung stands, wrapping an arm around Jaehyun in a short hug. “Good luck, Jaehyunnie,” he says gently, mouth at Jaehyun’s ear. “I’ll see you around.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Jaehyun replies, throat strangely closing up. He waves Doyoung good bye and heads back towards his room, footsteps echoing in the hallway. When he reaches his floor, he sees his friends lounging in the communal area laughing, pushing each other on the sofa. He hesitates, just outside the door, as his mind urges him to go back to his room, to leave them be and catch on that reading the professor recommended today-

He shakes himself a little. Unbidden, the memory of Jeongguk telling Jimin to stop overworking himself rises in his mind. For a moment, Jaehyun wonders if Taeyong overworks himself too.

Inside, Sicheng has spotted him and is waving at him, calling Jaehyun’s name. Jaehyun snaps out of it, forcing a smile as he pushes to the door open and joins them on the nearest sofa.

“What were you just standing out there for?” Sicheng says, kicking his feet onto Jaehyun’s lap and ignoring the scuffle between Jeongguk and Yugyeom on the other side of the sofa.

Jaehyun lets him, resting his hand on Sicheng’s shin, and shrugs a little awkwardly. “I was just thinking,” he says.

“You think too much,” Sicheng rolls his eyes and sits back on the cushions. “How was football with Mark?”

“It involved a lot of thinking,” Jaehyun says solemnly. He yelps when Sicheng digs his heel into his thigh with a glare. “Just because you never use your brain!”

“You’re fulfilling cheerleader stereotypes, Sicheng,” comes Lucas’s voice from above them. Jaehyun tips his head back to grin at Lucas as Sicheng flings out an arm to hit him. Lucas just cackles, easily side-stepping.

“You wish you were as hot as a cheerleader,” Sicheng grumbles.

Jaehyun pretends to consider Lucas. “I don’t know, I think he’s hotter than you at least?”

“I am going to end your flat-ass Jaehyun!” Sicheng flings his feet off Jaehyun’s lap and lunges for him to Lucas’s raucous laughter in the background.

“You are way too skinny to try and attack me,” Jaehyun teases as he jumps up from the sofa, fending off Sicheng’s attempts to grab him.

“Jock,” Sicheng mumbles. He manages to grab onto Jaehyun’s shirt and wrenches it up, exposing Jaehyun’s stomach to the cold, air-conditioned room. Somebody wolf-whistles. Jaehyun’s pretty sure it’s Jeongguk. He starts laughing as he grabs Sicheng’s hand and tries to pry his grip free. “Just because you have abs-!”

Somebody giggles from behind them, somewhat familiar but definitely not Lucas. Jaehyun manages to grab Sicheng’s hand and pulls it off his shirt, turning his head to glance behind him as his shirt falls back to its normal place. There, standing in front of the door, is Jimin and _Taeyong_.

Fuck, not again, Jaehyun thinks, his ears going red already. He smooths his shirt down, grimacing.

Jimin’s giggling behind one hand, his eyes sparkling. Beside him, Taeyong is clearly trying to hide a huge smile, biting his lip, expression bright.

“That’s embarrassing,” Sicheng says aloud, and Jaehyun shoves him into the sofa.

“Jimin!” says Jeongguk, scrambling up from his spot on the couch. “What are you doing here?”

Immediately Jimin stops giggling, his lower lip jutting out slightly as he focuses on Jeongguk with a glare. “That’s Jimin- _hyung_ to you, you brat,” he says, folding his arms. “Have some respect for your elders!”

Jeongguk opens his eyes innocently wide and Jaehyun already feels bad for Jimin. “But, hyung, you’re so tiny, you’re basically my dongsaeng?”

Jimin looks distinctly unamused. “Come on, Yong, we’re going,” he says to Taeyong. The nickname sends a shock up Jaehyun’s spine. _Don’t go_ , he thinks, unable to help himself.

Taeyong laughs. “He’s going to kill you one day, Jeonggukkie,” Taeyong says, and wow, that’s definitely jealousy Jaehyun’s feeling right now. He groans internally at himself, sticking his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something else but Yugyeom gets there first, slapping a hand over Jeongguk’s mouth. “What did you guys actually come here for?” he asks, half-kicking Jeongguk.

“We came to discuss this year’s showcase with you guys,” Taeyong says, stepping closer. He looks so unfairly gorgeous, clearly having changed and/or showered since the football game. “We were going to earlier, actually, but you two ran off after practice. Don’t think I’ve ever seen Jeongguk that eager to leave.” His grin is cheeky, clearly also aware of Jeongguk’s giant crush on Taeyong, and all of a sudden Jaehyun is hit with a wave of dizzying, startling attraction for him. He swallows, looking down at Sicheng instead, who’s resting his chin on the sofa back and watching the older boys with eager eyes, clearly excited at the talk of the showcase.

“You should come sit down,” Yugyeom says. “If this is gonna take a while, I mean.”

Taeyong glances at Jimin with a shrug, and the pair move to sit at the sofa opposite them, across the coffee table. Lucas moves to stand with Jaehyun. “Think this is the longest time Jeongguk’s ever had a conversation with Jimin?” Lucas whispers, and Jaehyun has to hold back a snort. Jeongguk sends them a suspicious look and they blink innocently back.

“Hey, don’t suppose you want to make dinner, Jaehyun?” Sicheng says, smirking at him from the sofa.

Jaehyun narrows his eyes back. “It’s not my turn, it’s yours,” he says. “Haven’t you learned to cook yet?”

“If Sicheng ever makes anything more than ramen, I think I will be shocked to death,” says Lucas before Sicheng can reply. He turns his gaze on Jaehyun, puppy eyes already in place. “And your cooking is amazing, hyung. I don’t want to die tonight, whether it’s from food poisoning or shock!”

“I want you all to die,” Jaehyun mutters. He sighs, conceding. “Fine. I better be owed a thousand favours after this,” he says, punching both Lucas and Sicheng in the arm. Lucas cheers and scampers off to a different corner of the lounge where Jungwoo and several others are sitting. Jaehyun starts to head towards the kitchen area, already thinking about what they have in the fridge.

He thinks he’s maybe in there for all of ten minutes when someone comes and stands beside him as he slices beef. “Sicheng, pass me the one of those big bowls?” he says mindlessly, focused on his task, when it suddenly occurs to him that Sicheng is normally a lot taller than the person beside him. He glances up, apology already on the tip of his tongue, and sees Taeyong holding the cornflour with a smile on his face.

“Fuck!”

Pain lances through Jaehyun’s finger and he drops the knife on the chopping board, glaring at the cut he’s accidentally made on his index finger, his ears going red, heart half-racing. Wow, he loves making a fool of himself in front of hot boys.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, did I startle you?” Taeyong says, putting the bag down as Jaehyun moves to the sink and runs his finger under the water. “I’m so sorry-”

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun says hurriedly. The last thing he wants is Taeyong blaming himself when it was just Jaehyun being a fucking idiot, as usual. “Not your fault at all, hyung, I’m just a klutz.”

“I find that hard to believe after today’s football match.” Taeyong hands Jaehyun a napkin to dry his finger off with, looking worried. Jaehyun tries not to linger on the fact that Taeyong had noticed him during the game. “Do you keep a first-aid kit around here?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s just behind you.” Jaehyun blinks as Taeyong digs into the cabinet, pulling out the medical bag triumphantly. “It’s fine, honestly, you don’t need to do that-”

“Sit down and let me help,” Taeyong says, somewhat sternly. It’s unfairly cute, and Jaehyun feels himself go a little red, sitting down at the table in the center of the room. “I can’t believe you had to cut yourself while chopping raw meat. Of all the things. God, I hope you don’t get salmonella on me.”

“That wouldn’t be ideal,” Jaehyun agrees. Taeyong slips into the seat next to him, and all of a sudden Jaehyun is hyperaware of the cleanliness of Taeyong’s appearance and the fact that Jaehyun hasn’t showered in a day. He watches as Taeyong carefully dabs disinfectant on cotton wool, and tries not to wince when he dabs it on Jaehyun’s finger. Before he can help himself, Jaehyun finds himself looking at Taeyong’s face instead _. How can someone be so impossibly gorgeous_? From here, Jaehyun swears he can count each individual eyelash. Before he can do something stupid, like touch Taeyong’s stupidly perfect face, Jaehyun looks away, chest painfully tight.

Fuck. _Fuck_. It would be really nice if his brain could catch up with the times and realise that Jaehyun should _not_ still have a crush on someone he hasn’t spoken to in god-knows how many years.

“Earth to Jaehyun?” comes Taeyong’s voice, snapping Jaehyun out of his thoughts. He looks down at Taeyong, ears burning with embarrassment as Taeyong smirks at him. “You alive, there?”

“Uh, yep.” Jaehyun looks down at his finger, where the cut has been covered neatly with a bandage. “Thanks so much, hyung.”

Taeyong hums in response, and they sit there for a few moments, not quite looking at each other. Jaehyun suddenly wonders if Taeyong can hear his pulse racing and abruptly stands. “I should get on with the cooking,” he says, heading towards the counter. He half-expects Taeyong to leave, but instead Taeyong joins him, one elbow resting on the countertop.

“Please don’t cut yourself again,” Taeyong says with a cheeky grin. “I don’t know if I have strength to put another plaster on your poor finger.”

Jaehyun finds himself inexplicably pleased by the remark, biting his lip to keep from smiling too widely. Instead, he narrows his eyes at Taeyong. “I don’t know if I have the will to not scare you out my kitchen,” he says, lifting his knife mock threateningly.

Taeyong just laughs, that amazing, high-pitched giggle. “You wish you were scary enough,” he teases, looking at Jaehyun with his big, sparkling brown eyes. Jaehyun wants to die.

They stand in silence for a little while longer, punctuated by the sound of Jaehyun preparing the beef. “Are you staying for dinner?” Jaehyun asks. He hopes Taeyong can’t hear the hope in his voice.

Taeyong seems surprised by the question, shaking his head so that strands of violet hair fall over his eyes. Jaehyun’s hand aches to brush it away, so he turns back to the food instead, staring at the marinated beef. “I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Taeyong says, and before Jaehyun can protest, Taeyong adds, “And anyway, we can’t have Jeongguk making a fool of himself in front of Jimin at dinner, can we?”

Jaehyun laughs, putting down the chopsticks, unable to resist turning to look at Taeyong. He finds the older boy staring back at him, eyes still shining, and closer than Jaehyun expected. His heart gives an unsteady stutter in his chest. “I think that’s inevitable,” he says. “I heard from Yugyeom that he already made a fool of himself when he kicked Yugyeom in the face last year.”

Taeyong grins. He’s gorgeous, Jaehyun thinks. “Is that the only incident you’ve heard about? You’re in for a storm, Jaehyun.”

“How come you’re here and not out there, talking to them?” Jaehyun blurts before he can stop himself. He doesn’t want Taeyong to go away, god knows he doesn’t, but Jaehyun’s worried he’ll make a fool of _him_ self if Taeyong’s here much longer. That, and the fact that Jaehyun definitely won’t be able to get over his feelings for unattainable gorgeous dance boys any time soon.

“Jimin challenged Jeongguk and Yugyeom to Mario Kart,” Taeyong says. He watches as Jaehyun turns on the electric stove and adds oil to the pan. “And I guess I thought I’d come in here and catch up with you, Jaehyun. It’s actually been a really long time, hasn’t it?”

A rush of _something_ courses through Jaehyun, sweeping right from the tips of his toes to the hair on his head. “Yeah,” Jaehyun says quietly. “Middle school, or something. I mean, uh, I guess we talked like... twice in high school?” God, Jaehyun hopes Taeyong remembers those conversations or this could get really awkward. He hopes Taeyong doesn’t realise just how well Jaehyun remembers them, how he held them in his memory.

He thinks Taeyong is maybe smiling, but he’s not sure since he’s trying to focus on the cooking. Taeyong says, “That’s true. But we were at a party, weren’t we?” Taeyong laughs. “Not sure if that counts, considering half the people there were drunk.”

 _I wasn’t_ , Jaehyun opens his mouth to say, and doesn’t. “I guess this is a bit weird, but I remember you were in my friend’s computing class helping out, that’s why you were at that party, right?” Jaehyun laughs as well. “She had the biggest crush on you.” He chances a glance at Taeyong, who’s scratching his head, looking a bit embarrassed.

“I knew that, actually. One of her friends was really drunk and told me all about it.” Taeyong giggles, a bit self-consciously. “I can’t lie and say she was my type, although I guess she was kind of pretty?” It comes out as a question, and Jaehyun laughs again in response.

“I’m not going to be offended if you didn’t think she was, hyung,” he says as he adds the beef to the pan. It sizzles upon contact, instantly giving off a delicious aroma. “But yeah, I get what you mean. Didn’t you have a girlfriend as well?”

As soon as it’s out his mouth Jaehyun tries not to wince. He wonders if it’s weird as fuck to know that, even though Taeyong hadn’t been close to Jaehyun at the time. It wasn’t like people didn’t know about Taeyong, though, because he had arguably been the hottest guy in the school. Jaehyun had heard nearly all of his girl friends gush about him before, bemoaning the fact that Taeyong was dating a girl who basically looked like a model herself, so they definitely had no chance. Jaehyun just took it to mean Taeyong was straight, and therefore _definitely definitely_ had no chance.

“Yeah, I did,” Taeyong says, clearly oblivious to Jaehyun’s thoughts. “We broke up in our first year of uni, though. Pretty sure she cheated on me, so.”

Jaehyun winces for real this time, opening his mouth awkwardly to say something, anything, but Taeyong beats him to it, waving a hand to brush off Jaehyun’s concern as he laughs. “Man, probably shouldn’t have told you something so awkward like that. Don’t worry about it, honestly, I got over it fast. I guess I always knew she wasn’t the nicest person around.” Taeyong shrugs.

“I guess it’s good that you broke up then.” It comes out his mouth before Jaehyun can stop himself, and at Taeyong’s look of surprise he makes a face, grinning sheepishly as he turns back to his cooking, adding peppers and bok choi. “Is that rude? Sorry, hyung.”

“No, no, I just didn’t expect you to be this forward.” Taeyong laughs. “I dunno, I remember you as being a bit shy in middle school. But that was a long time ago.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun half-sighs the word, nostalgia in his chest. There are so many things he wants to say to Taeyong, so many memories he wants to bring up, memories he shouldn’t remember but does anyway.

“Taeyong!” someone yells from the common room. “Are you still here? Taeyong!”

“I’m in the kitchen,” Taeyong calls back. He turns to Jaehyun with a soft half-smile. “That’s Jimin. I’m betting Jeongguk kicked his ass at Mario Kart.”

Jaehyun grins back, feeling his heart clench at the smile on Taeyong’s face. “Jeongguk’s good at everything and he’s competitive as fuck, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Jimin bursts through the kitchen, a rosy colour high in his cheeks and his hair distinctly messier than when they arrived at the common room. “Dongsaengs should not be that cheeky,” he mutters. In the background, Jaehyun hears Jeongguk’s laughter, the smug kind that Jaehyun’s heard a sad amount of times before. Biting back a smile, Jaehyun turns back to the pan, realising that he’s probably cooked it a bit longer than he should have. When he goes to turn off the heat, Taeyong places a large circular plate beside the cooker on the counter.

“It smells really good, Jaehyun,” Taeyong says. That same, all-consuming rush of feeling filters through Jaehyun again, his toes curling as he stares at Taeyong. “Sorry, I don’t know what plate you normally use-”

“That’s fine,” Jaehyun blurts out. He finds himself staring at Taeyong, his eyes, his nose, his lips. Fuck, he’s screwed. “This plate is fine. It’s good. Thank you, Taeyong-hyung.”

“I’ll see you at dance next week,” Taeyong says, his lips stretching into a lovely smile. He walks over to Jimin, who’s blinking widely at Jaehyun. Jaehyun can’t quite make out the expression on Jimin’s face, and soon enough they’re out the kitchen anyway with a wave from them both.

Sicheng slinks into the kitchen once they’re gone, and Jaehyun groans at the look on his face. “So,” Sicheng says, drawing out the ‘o’ sound, wiggling his eyebrows terrifyingly. “You and Taeyong-ssi were in here a while.”

“Shut up if you want dinner, Sicheng.”

 “Yes, sir!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written a bit more than this but only a little more. i've got exams but will try to update when i can! <3 thanks for reading this so far!


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> good old 97 liners and their friendship, an older friendship, and a vow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm. so apologies for the long wait. not only did i have exams but i also had two weeks of this camp thing that i probably could have mentioned last time.  
> i.. also am going holiday next week for about a week. hopefully i'll be able to update asap anyway!
> 
> anyway, here it is! enjoy!! if you're confused about anything just let me know :)

“So what were they here to talk about?” Jaehyun says, once he’s completely finished cooking and the others have joined him and Sicheng in the kitchen. They’re sitting at the table already with bowls in front of them (god, Lucas eats a lot, the amount of rice in his bowl is almost double Sicheng’s). He puts his own bowl on the table and sits down, picking up his chopsticks.

“They were asking us whether we wanted to be in the showcase this year,” Jeongguk says, voice somewhat muffled as he shoves rice in his mouth. Several grains stick to his lips, some falling on the table. Jaehyun grimaces. “It’s actually really exciting, because-”

“Please stop talking with your mouth full,” Yugyeom says, looking disgusted. “You’re worse than Jackson-hyung.” Jeongguk shoots him a glare but closes his mouth, chewing silently. Yugyeom continues for him. “It’s exciting because only a limited number of us are allowed in the showcase, and the fact that they asked the three of us is kind of flattering.”

“The three of you?” Jaehyun blinks, glancing across to Sicheng, who smirks smugly at him. “Oh shit, congrats,” he says, genuinely meaning it.

“Thank you.” Sicheng continues to grin proudly. “It’s not a solo thing though, obviously, I’m doing a group dance with these other people who are experienced in traditional dance. One of them’s a guy called Zhu Zhengting, from the year above us, and Cheng Xiao from our year.”

“Oh I know Zhengting,” says Lucas while piling meat onto his rice. “He’s usually at the gym when I’m there.”

“Stop taking all the meat!” Jeongguk bats Lucas’s chopsticks away. “No wonder you need to go to the gym.”

“Stop acting like you don’t go all the time,” Sicheng scoffs. “You’re as much of a pig as Lucas is, Jeongguk.” Jeongguk swats at Sicheng who, used to the occasional violence, expertly dodges. “What’s this Zhengting guy like, Lucas?”

Lucas chews thoughtfully. “A strangely defined six-pack for such a skinny dude,” he says. “Tall, like my height, pretty cute. Veeery flexible.”

“Your gay is showing,” says Jaehyun, smirking at Lucas from across the table.

Lucas narrows his eyes right back. “Look, just because I’m friends with a bunch of gays, AKA you guys, does not mean I, myself, am gay.” Jaehyun just snorts, shaking his head. It’s amazing how some people know from the beginning, and for others, it takes them far into adulthood.

“Is he cuter than Jungwoo?” asks Jeongguk with wide, innocent eyes.

“Literally no one is cuter than Jungwoo,” Lucas says, almost faster than immediately, and goes pink when he sees the looks they’re all giving him. “Oh, fuck off, Jungwoo is cute as fuck, I can admit that. Doesn’t mean I’m gay!”

“First stage, denial,” whispers Yugyeom.

“No homo bro,” adds Jeongguk, and the four of them snicker together. Lucas throws his chopsticks at Jeongguk, who balls up his tissue and throws it straight back. They wrestle across the table, knocking bowls over with no shortage of yelling and laughing.

“I hate this friend group,” says Sicheng, leaning back in his seat, but he’s grinning.

“I did not cook during Sicheng’s turn for your ugly asses to ruin my food,” Jaehyun growls, and the pair quiet down. “Please eat like normal people, thanks.”

“Have you turned into Doyoung-hyung?” says Lucas, squinting at him. “Jaehyun-hyung, are you in there?”

“Next time I’m going to let you starve.”

“...I take it all back.”

“What were you and Taeyong-hyung talking about anyway, Jaehyunnie?” says Yugyeom. Unlike Sicheng, his question seems to be entirely curiosity and no ulterior motive. It still makes Jaehyun want to sink backwards into the seat. “He was in here the entire time we were on the Wii.”

“Just chatting, I guess,” Jaehyun says neutrally, adding peppers to his bowl. “Not about anything important.” _Almost outed myself as being in love with him since middle school, but whatever._

Yugyeom hums, bringing rice to his mouth. Then, he says, “Your ears are red.”

Jaehyun’s hands fly up to his ears, and Sicheng snorts into his bowl. “It’s probably from the heat from cooking,” he says, glaring at Sicheng.

“We don’t blame you.” Jeongguk smirks at him as Sicheng sticks his tongue out at Jaehyun. “Taeyong-hyung is one seriously good looking guy.”

“When was the last time you got laid?” adds Lucas, his smirk matching Jeongguk’s.

“Lucas, I will never cook for you again.”

“Oh, come on, he’s got a point,” Jeongguk says. “You seriously need to go out more.” His tone is teasing but his eyes are serious. Jaehyun can see the worry in them, the sincerity, and almost wishes that he didn’t have such good friends.

“I think the last time I went clubbing was a couple months ago,” Lucas muses. He’s not looking at Jaehyun but the gleam in his eyes is unmistakable. “I went with some old friends from high school during the summer. It was then that I remembered why I fucking hated high school.” Lucas pauses. “I’m going off track. Anyway, it sure was enjoyable.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “You’re not being subtle at all-”

“Man, I haven’t been clubbing in ages,” Yugyeom interrupts, spinning his chopsticks. There’s a grain of rice stuck to one of the ends and it rubs off onto Yugyeom’s hand. He flicks it at Jeongguk who makes a disgusted face, but surprisingly, does not retaliate. “I think the last time was in high school, using a fake ID.”

“Wait, so you didn’t go clubbing when you actually turned eighteen?” Lucas squints at Yugyeom who just shrugs in response. “That makes no sense. I refuse to believe that you, Kim Yugyeom-ssi, would have hated it.”

 Jeongguk cackles. “I don’t think he hated it,” he begins, and Yugyeom’s eyes start to narrow. “I think he liked it a bit too much. Bambam told me aaaaall about it, Gyeomie. Probably better that you never went back, eh?”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Yugyeom pushes on, glaring daggers at Jeongguk. “As I was saying-”

“-You can’t not tell us what happened!” Lucas complains.

“ _As I was saying_ , maybe we should go clubbing as a group,” Yugyeom leans back in his chair, fixing his gaze on Jaehyun. Jaehyun looks down, picking at a grain of rice stuck to the side of his bowl. It’s hardened after being cooled for so long by the air. “Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun stands abruptly, pushing his chair back with a screech. His pulse is thrumming in his ears. He picks up his empty bowl and chopsticks without looking at the others. “I don’t know, Yugyeom. It’s not really my thing.” He puts the bowl in the sink and turns on the tap, watching as the bowl fills up with water. He can feel his friends staring at him. “I’ll think about it,” he says, finally, even though he doesn’t want to think about it. “Okay?”

“You do you, Jaehyun,” is all Yugyeom says, his tone unreadable. Jaehyun doesn’t scoff. He knows they’ll probably drag him there even if he says no, even if he doesn’t want to. He can’t decide if he’s okay with that, or not. They’re just trying to help him, Jaehyun knows that. He knows that.

“Hey, don’t forget to clean your own dishes,” Jaehyun warns, looking back over his shoulder. Lucas is already at the door with one hand on the handle, a guilty look on his face. “Wong Yukhei, if you walk out-”

“Sorry, suddenly my ears are buzzing, wow I can’t hear anything? Anyway I’ve got places to be, people to see, bye, hyung!” Lucas darts out, a cheeky grin on his face as he goes.

Jaehyun stares, mouth slightly open.

“I mean, are you really surprised?” Sicheng says, placing his own bowl in the sink. “He’s a bit of a... a... 寄生虫. Fuck, I don’t know the Korean for that. Takes your stuff but doesn’t give anything in return.”

“A thief?” Jaehyun says, raising an eyebrow.

Sicheng laughs. “Oh, god, no, not that bad. Hmm, whatever. By the way, if you spend too much time talking to me, Yugyeom and Jeongguk will be gone before you know it, too.”

“Fuck!” Jaehyun spins around, but the pair are already gone. Jaehyun swears he can hear Jeongguk’s smug laughter through the door, and groans.

“I’m a good person, so I’ll help you,” Sicheng announces. “There’s only a few. At least you weren’t cooking for the whole floor.”

“Ugh, remember that time I was in the middle of cooking and half the university population fucking came in?”

“There were only like ten people, Jaehyunnie, and half of them barely even wanted any.”

“I was already cooking for six!”

Sicheng laughs. “Okay, I’ll give you that,” Sicheng allows with a twinkle in his eye.

Jaehyun returns it with a broad smile, genuine and happy. He’s never been more grateful to have Sicheng by his side. They’d met in Jaehyun’s last year of highschool, where Sicheng had just transferred to his class from a dance school in Beijing. He’d already been accepted into the traditional dance programme in K-ARTS, apparently, and wanted to spend a year in Korea first to see what it was like. But his Korean had been terrible when they first met, and as a result Sicheng had found it difficult to make friends. Jaehyun remembers seeing him desperately trying to explain himself to a group of asshole boys in their class.

That was the first time they’d spoken (other than ‘hellos’ here and there), when Jaehyun had stood beside Sicheng, arms folded and expression stony, scowling at the assholes. He’d be lying if he said he did it entirely for Sicheng’s sake. Just the period before, he’d seen them harrassing Park Jihyo for what was possibly the tenth time that week, and Jihyo was one of Jaehyun’s closest friends.

 _“Hey, back off,”_ Jaehyun had said, sounding braver than he felt. But Jaehyun knew he intimidated them, especially in the last few years, when Jaehyun had gotten taller, started working out, grown more muscle. He was popular, he was smart, and he knew it. _“Honestly, what the fuck’s wrong with you guys?”_

 _“We weren’t talking to you, Jung,”_ one of them had replied, but the others had already stepped back in surprise.

 _“Sicheng wasn’t fucking talking to you either, so back off.”_ Jihyo had come and stood beside him, Jaehyun remembers that. The group of boys had left, and when Jaehyun had turned around Sicheng was looking at them with wide eyes,  and thanked them, slowly sounding out the Korean syllables. He was insanely cute. Jaehyun would have left it there – unfortunately, his younger self hadn’t exactly been a saint, and Jaehyun didn’t know how to be friends with someone he couldn’t communicate with – if not for Jihyo, who grabbed Sicheng and told him to sit with them during lunches, cementing the beginning of their friendship.

He never did thank Jihyo for that.

“You’ve got that look on your face again,” Sicheng says, drying one of the bowls. “What’s got you so far away?”

“Us, actually,” Jaehyun says. He half-smiles down at the sink. “I was thinking about how we almost weren’t friends.”

Sicheng stops his movements and drops the towel onto the counter top, looking startled, but Jaehyun carries on, barely noticing. “I want to say that I don’t know what I would’ve done without you this past year, but I think we both know the answer to that.” Jaehyun gives a derisive laugh. “Died, probably. Definitely.”

Slowly, Sicheng picks up the towel, reaching into the sink for the next dish. “Well, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to get rid of me.” His voice is quiet. “Things are different now. You’re different, Jaehyun. I know sometimes we act like... like you haven’t changed, but we’re just... stupidly worried.”

Jaehyun says nothing for a moment, focusing on scrubbing off a bit of food from the pan. Finally, he says, “You’re right.” He puts the pan down. “You are stupid.”

Sicheng chokes on his laugh, whacking Jaehyun with the towel. “Shut up, stupid.”

“I literally just used that insult, don’t you know how to be original, Sicheng?”

Sicheng shoves Jaehyun, a laugh forming on his lips as Jaehyun stumbles, hands still soapy. Sicheng’s eyes widen. “Don’t you fucking dare-!”

They end the night like that; soap soaking Sicheng’s hair, water spilled the entire way down Jaehyun’s front, along with laughter and insults. The way it was before Jaehyun fucked up, fucked things up, before they could fix it.

Jaehyun’s so fucking grateful they fixed it.

 

Jaehyun sleeps in the next morning. It’s more of a conscious choice than an accident since he doesn’t have class until one, but normally he’s up before nine anyway. This time, however, he wakes late, just past eleven, his eyes refusing to open.

He’d been dreaming about something again. He tries to hold onto the last tendrils of his dream, and just as he thinks he’s remembered what his dream was about, a face appearing behind his eyes, it slips out of his grasp entirely. He hopes it wasn’t anything good. Or, perhaps it’s better to forget the good dreams, because then he can’t wish for something that will never be.

He raises a hand to rub at his face, his eyes, turning over onto his side with a groan. The dream is forgotten as he opens one eye to peer blearily at the clock, wondering if it was too late for breakfast. He takes his time getting up, feeling surprisingly sluggish as he drags his feet to the bathroom. His hair is an absolute mess, he notes with squinted eyes, raking a hand through the stuck up strands. He must have slept worse than he thought.

By the time he’s dressed and fully awake, Sicheng is banging on his door. “Are you getting old?” he half-yells through the door. “Jaehyun, let’s go!”

Jaehyun yanks open the door, narrowing his eyes in a slight glare as Sicheng falls forward slightly in surprise. “Go where?”

Sicheng straightens, a grin already on his face, linking his arm through Jaehyun’s and dragging him away from the room. “There’s this great breakfast place-”

“Hold on, I haven’t locked my door yet, Sicheng-”

“It’s only a ten minute walk from here, _and_ we’re meeting Jihyo for brunch.”

Jaehyun stops, one hand on his keys and the other frozen in Sicheng’s grasp. It flits through his mind suddenly, overwhelming guilt and memories of attempts to stay in touch that were only shut down throughout the year, because of Jaehyun. “Sicheng...”

“Don’t even start with me, Jung Jaehyun,” Sicheng says, his accent coming through in his irritation. He fixes Jaehyun with a hard stare. “She was your best friend in high school. You were in a bad place last year and you shut her out, but you’re _fine_ now, Jaehyun. You’re fine, and you miss her and she misses you. Man the fuck up.”

Shakily, Jaehyun locks his door, the memory of the last time he’d seen Jihyo and the expression of hurt and anger she’d had flashing in his mind. “That’s sexist,” he mumbles. Sicheng kicks him in the calf in response. “Ow! God, why do you always resort to violence?”

“Why do you always resort to being an absolute idiot?” Sicheng shoots back, folding his arms and scowling. “Come on.”

Jaehyun knows that if he really didn’t want to, Sicheng wouldn’t make him go. He would let Jaehyun go back to his room, sit at his desk and feel sorry for himself. He would look at Jaehyun with pity, disappointment and/or irritation, but he would let Jaehyun go. But although his chest is clenching with guilt and even nerves, Jaehyun does want to go. He wants to make things right. He fucked up last year, in more ways than one, and he needs to fix this.

Sicheng lied. It isn’t a ten minute walk, it’s five, and they’re there ten minutes early. “You walk faster than I anticipated because of your stupidly long legs,” Sicheng huffs.

“We’re almost the same height, Sicheng, shut up.”

But when they come up to the cafe, Jihyo’s already sitting at a table by the window, her phone in front of her and expression distant. Her iced coffee is already half gone.

“I told you she misses you,” Sicheng says, shoving at Jaehyun lightly. “Go inside, you fool.”

“You’re not coming?” Jaehyun looks at her, his best friend whom he should have treated better last year, whom he should have trusted.

“Nah, I’ve got a class in ten minutes – or less than that, now, shit. Fucking _go inside_!” Sicheng shoves him harder but Jaehyun doesn’t need the push, he’s already made up his mind. Anxiety bundles into his throat as he opens the glass door, nodding to the barista who calls a greeting out. Jihyo looks up, their gazes catching. She puts down her phone and smiles awkwardly and he does the same, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he makes his way to the table. They sit there for a moment, biting their lips, neither sure what to say.

“So-,” Jihyo begins.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun blurts out. She blinks her big eyes at him, and Jaehyun follows his finger along a scratch in the wooden table. “Last year you were just trying to help me, and fuck knows I needed it, but I just pushed you away. I fucked up. I’m sorry. It’s fine if you can’t forgive me-”

“Jaehyun.” She grabs his sleeve, a soft smile on her lips. “Ugh, you absolute idiot. I would have forgiven you even if you hadn’t apologised. I might have been a bit annoyed, but...” She grins. Jaehyun remembers years of friendship. “I mean, you’re Jaehyun. I can’t possible _not_ forgive you.”

He laughs, his throat tight, tears shining at the back of his eyes. They hug right there, across the cafe table, catching glances from other patrons. “So, how’ve you been? What’s Yonsei like?”

They’re there for over an hour just talking, laughing, trying to breach awkward silences. It’s not that easy a fix, Jaehyun knows that, but something in him aches at their darting glances and fidgeting hands. He wishes his first year of uni had never happened. He wishes he could take it all back.

Eventually Jaehyun remembers he has a lecture to go to, and Jihyo has a class on the other side of Seoul. “I’ve still got your number,” Jaehyun says when they’re outside the cafe, rocking on his heels as Jihyo blinks up at him. “I guess... I’ll text you?”

“You better.” She grins. “If you don’t, I’ll harrass Sicheng, and you know how he gets.”

“I promise,” Jaehyun says, chest tight. “And I mean it.” _This time_ , he doesn’t add, but the crease in Jihyo’s eyebrow shows that she knows, anyway. “Jihyo... I’m sorry.”

“I forgave you already,” she says, hitting him lightly in the arm. She clears her throat. “Now go away, you have a lecture to get to, and my university is a good thirty minutes away.”

They part there, Jaehyun walking back to the main campus. When he turns again, he spots Jihyo getting onto her bus, head down and expression unreadable.

He really ruined so many things, last year.

“Is that your girlfriend?”

The voice comes suddenly from his other side. Jaehyun whips around, surprised to see Donghyuck standing beside him with a mischievous grin. “She’s really pretty.” He hums. “Figures that you’re a token straight.”

Jaehyun gawps at Donghyuck for a second before he shakes himself. “No, no, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s a friend from high school-”

“An ex?”

“No!” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, starting back towards the uni. His lecture is in fifteen minutes and he refuses to be late. “And what do you mean, I’m a ‘ _token straight_ ’?”

Donghyuck keeps up with him, pausing at Jaehyun’s expression with a thoughtful look on his face. “You just have that straight vibe going on. I bet you say ‘no homo, bro’.” Donghyuck’s expression sours slightly. “I bet Mark-ssi does too. _Straight people,_ ” he mumbles.

Jaehyun laughs from disbelief, but he’s not exactly offended. “You’re really bold,” he says.

“You’re not denying it,” Donghyuck points out.

They walk a few more metres in silence, before Jaehyun says, “I’m not straight.”

Donghyuck startles, clearly not expecting Jaehyun to say anything else. He glances at Jaehyun but Jaehyun doesn’t look back, instead staring ahead into the street. In front of them, a girl drops her notes, and another, a passerby, stops to help.

“As for Mark, you’ll have to ask him yourself, I’m sure he won’t mind. And for the record, I’ve never said ‘no homo, bro’ in my life in a non-ironic way.” Jaehyun flashes a grin at Donghyuck. “I think you need to work on your people skills.”

Donghyuck squints at him. “Your smile just blinded me,” he says, in a completely irrelevant statement. “Are those dimples? Jesus christ, you have a perfect face.”

“Thanks?” Jaehyun laughs again, unable to help himself. This brother of Taeyong’s really has him puzzled, both yesterday and today, but he can kind of see why Mark likes him.

Donghyuck hums. “You know, I recognise you from somewhere else,” he says slowly.

In front of them, Jaehyun’s dormitory has appeared, and beyond it, he can see the building where his lecture is. Not really paying attention, Jaehyun just says, “Really? Where from?”

“High school.”

Jaehyun blinks, his pace slowing. He turns to look at Donghyuck, scrutinizing his face more closely. He feels like he’d remember someone as memorable as Donghyuck, but then again, Jaehyun never did pay that much attention to other year groups – apart from Taeyong’s. “We went to the same high school?”

“Yes, we did, Mr Top-of-the-Year.” Donghyuck flashes a grin at him. Jaehyun just winces at the title. “I think I’m a bit offended you didn’t realise!”

 _Of course_. Siblings usually attend the same schools, and if Taeyong went to Jaehyun’s school, then Donghyuck probably did too. “Oh, shit, sorry, I’m a bit air-headed sometimes-”

“Well, I can hardly blame you,” Donghyuck interrupts, hands in his pockets with a grin on his face. “I was so emo in highschool. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of friends, but I was still pretty emo.”

“You?” Jaehyun squints at Donghyuck again. “You’re literally like the sun, though. I’ve met you about twice and I can tell that.”

Donghyuck shrugs. “People change,” is all he says. Something in Jaehyun jolts. “Anyway, this is me, I’ll see you around, Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun’s mouth drops open as Donghyuck darts off, cheeky grin stretching his mouth. “That’s _hyung_ to you, brat!” He’s only given a response in the form of a wave and a stuck out tongue before Donghyuck is gone. Jaehyun sighs, shaking his head with his own smile.

 _People change,_ Donghyuck had said. Not exactly an epiphany, but something about it sticks in Jaehyun’s mind. For a moment, he remembers long, tired nights in the library, a constantly aching back after hours in a desk chair, and falling.

 _Fuck_. His hand curls into a fist in his pocket, and for the rest of walk, he keeps his head down, his mind still. He’s going to survive this year of university. He’s not going to do what he did last year.

He’s going to live through it, even if it kills him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, jihyo n jaehyun were best friends in high school!
> 
> and the chinese word sicheng says in the chapter means parasite (according to my chinese translation app... my chinese is shit sorry mum) and it's being used in a friendly way, i swear, he doesn't mean it in a nasty way at all!

**Author's Note:**

> (will add characters as they come)  
> if the character has been mentioned by name in this fic and is not in nct then i will put them in this list. if i've hinted at them or not said their name then it's not going in the list!  
> bts - jeongguk, jimin, hoseok/j-hope  
> got7 - yugyeom  
> seventeen - mingyu, seungkwan  
> idol producer/produce 101/nex7 - zhu zhengting (first mentioned ch3)  
> wjsn/idol producer (mentor) - chengxiao  
> twice - jihyo  
> [i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/skiestra) as well, though i mostly use it for stalking others lmaoo]


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